So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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