do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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