I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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