why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
