i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
