then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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