You're a womanizer and a bitch.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
