i just google imaged poop.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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