she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
how drunk are you?
Several
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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