Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
