What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
