you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
