Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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