Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
