No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
