I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
