So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
