you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
