Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
tell me about the fingering
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
