he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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