Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
