i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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