One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
