I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
