Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
