His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
