Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
