he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
