WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
