Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm both gender and math confused
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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