i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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