Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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