Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
