so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
