i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
