pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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