so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
