just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
