It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
