I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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