you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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