I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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