just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
