I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
