He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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