If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
