that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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