Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
