my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You left your phone here
Wait...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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