yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
